Day 18 of London to Brighton (Cont.): In which I am reminded that I have forgotten someone.

Day 18 of London to Brighton (Cont.): In which I am reminded that I have forgotten someone.

I have been remiss. I was reminded by a close friend that I had omitted one of the gym membership demographs so, rather than edit the previous post, please consider this an addendum.


What a nice word. 'Addendum'. Sort of bounces around your mouth like it's made of rubber and entices you to add a stream of other, similar sounding words. Which could be awkward, but I digress.

As mentioned, in conversation with the aforementioned friend, I identified another type of person at the gym, which I shall call the LAM (Look At Me). This type will be familiar to even the most casual of gym attendees - and they don't come much more casual than me. Dressed to kill in top of the range sport clothing and with so much make-up that taking it off would make most of us rejoice in losing that much weight, their objective in using any of the facilities is measured not in weights lifted, miles run/cycled or balls hit. No, the LAM is much like a website and their success is measured by the number of 'views'. A glance is like someone clicking onto the page but then moving on, whilst a surreptitious stare, perhaps from the corner of the eye, is like someone staying to browse. Eyes tracking like radar or, from members of the same sex, bitchy undertone comments are the holy grail - someone adding the page to their favourites.

The LAM does not use the equipment to excess - any true exercise is done in the privacy of their home, where, like space, nobody can hear them scream, although just enough is done to allow them to be noticed, before decamping to the cafe area, to be seen as having come from the gym, but still looking like they have been dipped in liquid nitrogen.

The one true way of identifying the LAM however is the pony-tail. Hair pulled back and secured in a way that says "I am here to exercise. I'm not concerned about anything so banal as my hair.", it only took 45 minutes to coax into its perfect, casual and careless style. This pony-tail is the defining factor of the LAM for, as she walks in studied nonchalance through the room, it swings from side to side in time with the rhythm of

LOOK-AT-ME...LOOK-AT-ME