Days 8-10 of London to Brighton Challenge:

Days 8-10 of London to Brighton Challenge:

Having reluctantly acknowledged my walking poles were not going to be a viable aid, we embarked on our post-Birthday-Sunday-Lunch walk on the Sunday, during which I displayed yet more of the new found discipline and declined both or a jacket potato, although the baked onion loaf was simply one resist too far.  Well, actually it was two resists too far, as I ate my daughter’s bit too.

If I should ever be asked to contribute to a training manual, I fear my contribution will be limited to:

1)      Check your poles are locked before you lean on them

2)      Don’t eat onion loaf before exercise

One should repeat that second piece of advice, but you don’t need to, as the onion loaf does all the repeating for you.

Given the late start and the fact it was getting dark, the walk wasn’t quite as long as the previous week’s, although we still managed just under 8 miles, although the last mile or so was rather painful as for some reason my boots were digging into my left foot.  I tried adjusting it a couple of times and in the end had to undo the top couple of lace-points, so they were done up like shoes.  I’m still not quite sure why they were hurting, but I do know that if this is the case after 8 miles, then they’re not going to cut it for 8 TIMES that distance.  They are the traditional leather-style walking boots, or as they are known, “Clumpers” and are very strong and (allegedly) waterproof.  Indeed, looking at them, I feel they may also be bulletproof, knife-proof and quite possibly impervious to gamma radiation.  This is reassuring, as if they get exposed to such radiation, my feet may turn green and swell to enormous size should I make them angry.

I won’t like them if I make them angry. 

And I have a rather strong suspicion that by the end of 100Km, they will be very angry indeed.

I am going to give them one more chance, but in the interim I have a feeling that my trip to return or possibly exchange my walking poles may also extend into looking at some boots that are rather more forgiving. It occurs to me that, were my only objective be to raise money for my chosen charity, they would be better off by me settling into an armchair and donating all the money I am spending directly to them.  (Yes, this is a subtle hint that your sponsorship would be greatly appreciated. Ok, so maybe not so subtle.)  However, this is not the only goal here. I am a man on a mission.

<Cue the music>

The walk ended with the mandatory stretching.  I now understand why a prison sentence is known as ‘a stretch’.  However, it may have some positive benefits, as my left thigh was nowhere near as cross with me this time as the last.  Alas, there are apparently no stretches for the knee and it’s a good job I’m not a Courtier at Court, a Catholic or a cleaner, as I fear kneeling would be difficult.

Many people – well ok, SOME people – have expressed enthusiasm for our venture and said how much they like walking, so in the interests of camaraderie, fellowship or merely that misery loves company, we’ve scheduled next Sunday’s walk to be a loop around Hampstead Heath, so that people can join us for one or two loops, depending on their enthusiasm, fitness and knees.  It will be interesting to see how many of the expressions of support translate into company, but feel free to message me if you’re reading this before the event and you would like to join us.

We will be walking even if it rains.  Perhaps I should see if they do a combined walking pole and umbrella?  Incidentally, I have been contacted by one of the Nordic Walking instructors.  She wants £48 to teach me to walk, which seems a lot given my Mum did it for free when I was a tot.  I think I will consider it, once I have decided on whether to exchange my poles for new ones, for socks, for more forgiving boots or umbrellas.

The following day, I returned to Judo, but alas, was unable to take part, due to a rather unusual asthma attack.  I stayed and watched, but simply felt too wheezy to take part, which was disappointing.  However, in chatting to the Sensei (instructor) afterwards, he told me that despite not having been on the mat for more years than I cared to remember, he insisted I wore my original coloured belt – orange.  The grading levels have apparently changed somewhat, but this means that I will not stand out as a beginner.

Indeed, it means I will barely be standing at all, as the courtesy and consideration shown by senior grades to those wearing a white belt will be notably absent when working with me.  I therefore fully expect to be considerably more bruised and beaten than otherwise would have been the case.  I am therefore desperately watching YouTube videos of Judo competitions and master-classes, in the forlorn hope that some element of muscle memory will be awakened. Given that my mental memory could barely remember how to tie the belt, I doubt this will be very effective.

I have however been invited to go on Saturday morning, where they have a guest instructor, who was a medallist in the Paralympics, along with being a national and world champion. I have absolutely no illusions that any disability whatsoever will make the slightest difference to his ability to dispose of me without even noticing. 

Perhaps I should consider exposing my feet to gamma radiation after all?

Don’t make my feet angry. You won’t like me when you make my feet angry…….